Married Sex Blog: Giving Permission

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A great marriage involves many things. Among them are trust and a willingness to fulfill your spouse completely. I trust my husband. We've shared an intimacy for several years now and I know he'd never hurt me. I also love my husband and pleasing him - - fulfilling his wildest fantasies makes me happy.

In my marriage, I tend to be the one that needs time to get used to new ideas in the bedroom. As such, I know my husband "holds back" some of his desires from me. So when the mood strikes me I give him permission to do whatever he wants to me.

This isn't an anytime kind of thing. It's a now only. It usually takes me a day to prepare. But once I've got myself in an appropriately sexy mindset I give him permission to have me any way he wants!

I've learned that by giving that permission I have to mean it for two reasons. First, I have to mean it because I have to convince him that I really mean it. If he doesn't believe that I'm really willing to do anything for him any way he wants, he'll keep holding back. Secondly, I have to really be ready for whatever comes at me. There have times I've been surprised by what he comes up with and I admit that there were times we had sex in ways I wouldn't have thought possible. I've posted some details in the forum.

Giving my husband permission to fulfill his fantasies with me has opened up new dimensions to our sex life. We are both more fulfilled and closer as spouses as we share these things together.

Married Sex Books

Linda Dillow: Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex
Excellent resource for Women covering a wide range of questions about sexuality. (*****)
Ian Kerner: He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man
He Comes Next is meant to educate women on how to truly please their man. Unfortunately, the author misses out on the ways in which marriage so naturally lends itself to the process. Still, there are useful foundational issues discussed. Overall, the book encourages women to focus on helping men experience sex in a more global manner, rather than in the end-result, fast-food oriented approach encouraged by our society. Surprise, play, and a sense of adventure in your sex-life are encouraged, as are communication, relaxation, and touch that focuses on more than just a man's genitalia. The end of the book is more focused on specific techniques, most of which can be found in numerous other sources. (***)
Ian Kerner: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
This book is 225 pages about cunnilingus. Not that that's a bad thing if cunnilingus isn't a routine part of your married sex life. This book can definitely help a wife encourage her husband in that area, or instruct a husband unfamiliar with the act in techniques. It is a great collection of the collective wisdom of the subject; all of the why, what, when and how are covered in detail. However, if you and your spouse are both satisfied with this aspect of your marriage, it can probably be skipped and much of the material is repetitive of information otherwise available. Unfortunately, the author also fails to recognize the unique sexual benefits of marriage. (***)
Joe Beam: Becoming One
Intimacy is, of course, the goal of any good marriage. In this book, intimacy is described and promoted as three sides of a triangle, emotional, spiritual and sexual. In great detail, Joe Beam discusses, the importance of each and provides detailed plans for evaluating and improving each form of intimacy in your marriage. (****)
Kevin Leman: Sheet Music
This book takes you on a married journey through sex. It begins with underlying sexual beliefs you may unknowingly bring into your marriage, journeys through the honeymoon and early days of sex, and helps you cultivate an on-going, quality sexual adventure in your marriage. Particularly appealing is its fairly comprehensive look at sex within the context of marriage. A must-read, no matter where you are currently in your marital journey. ( It's only weakness seems to be an annoying pet-name for male genitalia.) (*****)
Jr Willard F Harley: His Needs Her Needs
This is probably THE most important book for building a strong foundation for marriage. A strong marital foundation is critical for building a wonderful, creative and mutually satisfying sex life. (*****)
John Gray: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
An excellent resource for understanding the differences between men and women and how to bridge the gap. Another important foundational reference. (****)
Ed Wheat: Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage, Third Edition
Not that much info about sex in general, but covers a wide range of sexual issues in marriage. More of an overview of many different issues than an indepth discussion of marital sex. (****)
Clifford L. Penner: The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment
A long standing favorite, getting a bit dated. (***)

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