"When ignorance is bliss . . .

it just means you're too stupid to know any better." In a conversation with a friend, I asked about how a class was going that he was supposed to start teaching for newlywed and about-to-wed couples. Of over 70 couples invited to attend, only ONE responded. Apparently, from the feedback he received, most felt that since they "didn't have any problems" they didn't need to take the class.

Well, that's just stupid. They're all either about to go on a honeymoon or just got back from one and don't think they have any problems. First of all, they're lying. They have problems, they just won't admit it. Secondly, even if they don't, they will.

I think he should have called the class "Great Sex for Newlyweds." People would have shown up for that.

Sometimes, the reason about-to-be-married and newly-married couples (and long-time married couples) think they don't have any problems is because they don't know what a great marriage is like. Sort of like how great ice cream is until you have frozen custard. There's a reason it's called plain vanilla . . .

Marriage and Sex can be a lot like that. The absense of overt "problems" doesn't equate to great marriage (or great sex). Many times our expectations for marriage are just too low -- we settle.

But there are those of us out there that want to see how good it can get -- no limits, no settling. We're on a quest that I suspect will never end. We can keep getting better. We can get closer. We can get more intimate. We can know our spouses even more. We can keep having better and better sex.

We can explore, we can try new things. Things newlyweds never dreamed of. Fantasies they thought they'd have to give up now that they're married.

But there are 70 couples out there that just kllled or greatly reduced their chances to ever make it great. I'm not saying that their marriaged will end in divorce, just that they had a chance to start the learning process early -- to begin the journey that leads to a great marriage and hot sex, but something got in the way.

I suspect it was pride, probably the husband's. It's men that usually shut down the learning and communicating first. That's why we should call it a sex class. Guys will go to that, ESPECIALLY if their wife asks them to. Just on the off chance that it will lead their wife to try something new -- sexy lingerie, a personal strip show or oral sex probably top the list.

And realistically, ignorance applies in this area too. I believe it is Joe Beam, in his book Becoming One, that recounts a story of two preachers on a talk show discussing sexuality. After one went on a particularly vitrolic rant against the evils of oral sex (even in marriage) the other leaned over to him and said, "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it!"

Opening up with your spouse includes all topics, including sex. Trying new things and being open minded about them is one of the great, unique benefits of marriage. Maybe it won't work, big deal. It's not a deal killer and you probably had fun trying it out anyway. (My wife and I have found ourselves laughing together quite a bit in our bedroom.)

Marriage is fun, and Sex is fun, but not if you're ignorant. This is one (of many) areas where Wisdom is Bliss and Ignorance is Folly.